Deciphering Messages

I feel stuck and it’s frustrating. I don’t do stuck well. Stuck literally and figuratively and creatively. It happens. Especially this time of year and especially in this unusual winter in which we find ourselves living. So I’m trying to figure out the message this quandary is wearing as it reaches out its hand out to me to pull me out of this rut. I have every reason to be happy and focused on the future. Hopefully the new house will present itself soon and we can begin preparing for a move. Believe me ~ when that happens, I won’t have time to be in a rut. And we’ve got a very special wedding on the horizon ~ only 5 ½ months away now. Every reason to be happy and excited.

But what do I do in the meantime? The day to day remains and I just can’t seem to get motivated. I know for sure I’m missing starting my days seeped deep in nature as opposed to a quick ice-skate around the neighborhood. I don’t even carry my camera for fear of falling and smacking it on the ice! (I've already fished one out of a snowbank.) The message I keep coming up with (of all things…) is to relax ~ consciously take some time off from the routine and the expectations I place on myself (reference past postings re: brow-beating…). I need something to kick start my energy and especially my creativity. I’ll repeat the words of my writing teacher: “When creative people aren’t creating, they need therapy. When they’re creating; they don’t.”

I made a feeble – very feeble - attempt to be productive today. I stood in the basement w/a half full box destined for Goodwill for five minutes this morning. I turned in a circle amongst the stacks of computer disks (who uses disks???) and the hubby’s grandfather’s “horse’s arse” metal bottle opener and an empty box for the oak toilet seat the previous owner installed about 15 years ago. And about 3,000 other treasures. I couldn’t handle it; I wasn’t mentally ready; especially knowing that I had made such good progress a year ago. A year ago I spent an hour a day in the basement (I timed it) with a little TV on in the background to keep me company. (Have I mentioned I’m addicted to TV?) Every day I would have a stack of bags and boxes at the bottom of the stairs destined for Goodwill. Every morning, the mister would haul them up the stairs, load them in the Jeep and drop them off at Goodwill. I even documented my progress every day with my camera. It was incentive. Things were looking pretty good until my sweet darling head (that’s our term of endearment for each other ~ “darling head”) sold his businesses and emptied his office in the basement. So much for my efforts…

So feeling very overwhelmed this morning, I compromised by dragging my feet up two flights of stairs, going thru a 10” stack of papers hidden in a desk drawer in my office and organizing them in files.

I’m feeling the need to step back from everything – computers and the internet and the outside world and just relax. Actually sit down and read a book before 11 pm (maybe I could read more than a chapter!) or watch a couple of movies I’ve never seen. All that philosophical banter I spew about just being in the moment… perhaps I should practice what I preach, if only for a couple of days. The weekend’s coming up; maybe it’s a good time.

We’ll see. I’m not too good at relaxing…

My parting words tonight ~ be sure to check your peanut butter in the pantry. I’m a Jif girl myself, but the mister is a Peter Pan guy (o, the irony...) and sure enough, the brand new jar of Peter Pan on the shelf had a number that started with 2111 stamped on the lid. In the el trasho. And once you’ve trashed the peanut butter, if you’re interested at all in “The Secret” I wrote about earlier here, you might want to tune into Oprah tomorrow. The show will be devoted to the overwhelming response they received from viewers after last week’s show discussing “The Secret.”

Be safe and be healthy. Peace out.