Hot Chocolate Thoughts on a -16 Degree Morning

As I stood over the stove stirring the peppermint chocolate shavings into the warming milk early on this -16 degree morning, I wondered… if I knew I had three months to live what would I do? What would be the most important things to do, see, accomplish?

An interesting phenomena I’ve experienced lately… when I free my mind of worries and schedules thoughts like that blossom in my head. I know mortality is not a new concept, but it is the first time in my life I’ve ever really considered it on a personal level – what would I do if I knew the clock was ticking? Besides being devastated knowing that I would be leaving those I love and not being able to participate in their lives any longer, where would my thoughts take me? Would I change my life? Would I suddenly take to jumping out of airplanes and climbing all the fourteeners in Colorado? Would I regret I hadn’t done more with my life – been more accomplished?

If I knew I had three months left, I don’t think I would do or feel any of those things. I think I would hold my husband's hand a little more tightly. I would say “I love you” more often. I would make the hugs I give my kids last about 30 seconds longer. I would take my dog to the park four times a week instead of once. I would engage in “kitty conversation” with my cat daily (she does love to “talk”). I’d call my Mom more than every ten days.

I would breathe more deeply; linger in the sunshine a bit longer. I wouldn’t worry about the boxes in the basement or the clutter in the closet. And those 10 pounds I’ve been trying to lose for the last five years? A non-problem. I would write more about my charmed life and the people in it and the funny and wondrous things that happen in everyday life. I would step out from behind the lens more often and just BE. And when I really think about it – the clock is ticking. None of us knows what the day will bring.

So I’m learning that little moments spent standing over a stove stirring peppermint chocolate shavings into warming milk on a -16 degree morning can be treasured. I don’t need to be recognized or accomplished or “leave my mark on the world.” All that matters is hands are meant to be held tightly and kids were meant to be hugged and love should be expressed.

A few years ago a friend shared the most wonderful piece of advice I’ve ever heard. When facing a big life decision, her priest told her, “Take time and think things thru. If you feel a sense of relief when you’ve made your decision, you know you’ve made the right decision.” Those words have carried me thru many a decision.

And so it seems to apply here. Not that I'm making a decision about my mortality; more, I'm making a decision about how to live my life. And I feel a sense of relief! I don’t have to be famous. I don’t have to be financially successful. I don’t have to be the best at everything I do. I don’t have to be somebody. I don't have to prove myself! I can simply BE. I can just breathe. I can smile. I can relax. I can love my family, my friends, my animals, my planet and do all I can to make life happy. That's all.

All I have to do is keep being me; but just a little bit more. I can do that. I do me pretty well.