Time.

I seem to be having issues with time lately. Sunday I had too much of it; today I woke up wishing I could add a couple of hours to each day. Just put me in the “she’s just never happy” category.

I woke up kinda’ grumpy this morning and on my walk near the lake I tried to figure out why. That’s what those early morning walks are sometimes good for – sorting things out. That is when I’m not distracted by some brilliant work of nature and have to stick my camera in my face and lose my train of thought.

I started thinking about how it is already the middle of June. My son’s wedding is in 7 weeks. My 88 year old Mom (she’ll be 89 in September) is flying out for the week before the wedding and staying with us. My San Francisco kids will be in town the week before the wedding, too. (Thank goodness my Denver kids now have a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo!) We’re hosting the rehearsal dinner (more of a cocktail – hors d'oeuvre party than dinner) the night before the wedding. We always attend the Cherry Creek Arts Festival the weekend near July 4; there’s another community pool party on the 6th. We would really like to have the mister’s business partners and their wives over for a bbq before summer flies by. We have various out-of-town family and friends who will be stopping by over the next few weeks (months?) to see the new house – food and drink included in the tour, of course. I'm due for my annual physical w/my family doctor in August and I need a crash course in taking better care of my body.

And I haven’t had my girls day out with my future daughter-in-law where we will find THE dress for the wedding (mine; she already has hers).

These are all happy events (well, except the physical) and I need to slow down and appreciate them. The anal side of me has trouble reconciling that with the sentimental side of me.

Although the boxes are unpacked (at least the ones I intend to unpack for now; thank God for a big basement), but there is so much organizing in our new home yet to be done; not to mention the final decorating touches. The decorating touches are what I love and will spend hours thinking about and implementing. I still want to order some canvas "wrap" prints of my work for the house and it's a challenge choosing images and imagining how they may turn out... So, there’s a part of me that hesitates “revealing” the house until all that is done. But the problem is time…

So this morning I cut my walk short – I wasn’t in the mood to shoot pelicans anyway. I started feeling guilty about spending an hour or two every morning perusing the park. Then spending the rest of the morning downloading and tweaking photos ~ delivering them to the various venues in which I participate; printing some at times. I felt guilty about spending time writing and blogging and doing still shots in my studio.

But I’m trying to let go of the guilt and self-reproach. How I spend my mornings is what others would consider “work.” I think the fact that I am doing what I love – and that it in no way feels like work – is where my conflict arises. So, that’s something I have to work on.

No pun intended.