It's All Good

I feel as though I’m living in some parallel universe. Things I have wanted for so long are finally, maybe, hopefully coming to fruition. Part of me thinks I don’t deserve the good things coming my way; part of me tells myself that patience and hard work and endurance pay off. Its kharma, dude. And then there’s that other part of me that whispers nothing’s over until it’s over.

Echoes of the past tell me to not get cocky; don’t get a big head; keep a low profile; don’t count your chickens; stay under the radar. So many voices ~ some I respect, some not so much.

It kind of freaks me out to see for sale signs on my house. But in the same thought, it makes me smile. It really makes me smile having a super clean house. But then it freaks me out keeping it that way 24/7. I’m starting to pack up my beloved books and cameras and the memories I want to carry forward. And it is finally time to say goodbye to some of the past. Yesterday found me tearing up divorce papers from another lifetime. Bags are being unpacked in the same breath as the bags are being packed. It’s time. It’s all good.

Well, all good except for the hot flashes and the heart palpitations that invade my sleep almost every morning around 4:00. I thought it was anxiety attacks. Well, some of them are, but not all. May be TMI for the guys, but the gals will understand. After my surgery 3 years ago (wow, I just realized almost exactly three years ago to the day), I was given a magic little blue pill that saved me from the grips of menopause. I floated thru the next couple of years feeling as free as a bird ~ what’s all this brouhaha about menopause? That was until I saw my doctor the other day. We discussed the controversy surrounding HRT recently and decided that we would cut my already extremely low dosage in half; which is almost like taking nothing, but better than going cold turkey. I’m not sure better for whom, but not me.

But, again - in a way - I feel like I haven’t been paying my dues and I should. It’s not fatal; just a little uncomfortable for a little while. And now that I’ve realized the heart palpitations are most likely not an impending heart attack, I think I’ll have fewer of them. The mind can do wondrous things…